


I Wasn't Expecting That

by jocelynfray



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Past Abuse, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-22
Updated: 2015-10-22
Packaged: 2018-04-27 14:14:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5051569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jocelynfray/pseuds/jocelynfray
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Jocelyn Fray has what was supposed to be a one night stand with a handsome stranger, but ends up becoming something more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Wasn't Expecting That

**Author's Note:**

> Title comes from Jamie Lawson's "Wasn't Expecting That". The song vaguely describes the essence of this fic but not the plot.

Jocelyn took a deep breath, running a hand through her hair nervously. She wasn't used to wearing jeans that actually showed the shape of her legs, and forget about shirts that were even remotely form fitting, so she was understandably self conscious. _'It's okay, you can do this. It's just a bar, you might not even find someone you want to fuck. Just go in and see what it's like.'_

After that mental pep talk, she stepped into the bar. She'd never been in a bar before, so she wasn't sure if this was what bars normally looked like, but it had a nice atmosphere to it despite its well worn look.

She scanned the bar, looking for anyone she might find attractive before she spotted him sitting at the bar: leather jacket, hunched over his drink. Luckily there was no one next to him, so she took another deep breath, walked over and sat down on the stool next to him, flagging down the attention of the bartender. "One merlot, please."

Satisfied that her drink would arrive at some point, she turned her attention to the man next to her, and _damn_ , he'd looked pretty good from the back but nothing could compare to up close (and she hadn't even seen his face properly yet). "Hi, I'm Jocelyn."

The man looked at her (finally!) and oh fuck, he was absolutely gorgeous and those _eyes_. She'd always had a thing for brown eyes and his were so pretty.

He looked her up and down in a manner he must have thought was discreet but really wasn't, before saying "Hey, I'm Luke. This your first time here? I've never seen you before, and I certainly would have remembered your hair." He smiled at her, showing his teeth slightly and he had a really nice smile.

It took her a few seconds to comprehend what he'd asked because his voice was way deeper than she'd expected, but in a really good way. "Yeah, people usually do notice the hair. And I just moved here from Florida. Wanted a change."

"Oh really? That's cool, never heard of people moving here from Florida before, usually it's the opposite."

"Yeah, well...it was a bit too sunny down there for me."

"Ah. So um, what do you do?" and he looked genuinely interested in her answer, which surprised her.

"Um, I'm actually looking for a job at the moment. It's slow going, but I'm hoping to get one soon. What about you, what do you do?" Thank god she'd had enough money saved up to pay her first two rent payments.

"I'm a detective."

That kinda surprised her, but he did kind of have the look going for him. "Oh, that's really interesting. NYPD?" As soon as she asked that question she wanted to smack herself, of course NYPD, you idiot! "Sorry, that was a dumb question."

Luke shook his head, taking a sip of his beer. "No no, it's not dumb. Yeah, I'm NYPD."

Jocelyn nodded, unsure of what to say next, grateful when her drink was finally put in front of her. She got her purse out to pay, biting her lip when she saw she was 2 dollars short of a 7 dollar tab. _'Idiot, this is why you make sure you have money when you go out!'_

Just as she was about to cancel her order, Luke spoke up. "You know what John, put it on my tab."

"Will do Luke." John said before going off to take other orders.

"Thanks." she said, looking at him. Feeling the need to explain herself, she continued, "I didn't realize I only had 5 dollars on me when I left, and because I'm an idiot I didn't think to ask for the fucking price before I ordered." It was humiliating, not being able to pay for a 7 dollar glass of wine.

"It's okay, stuff like that happens. I don't mind paying for yours." He paused before adding "Besides, buying a beautiful woman a drink is kinda my main flirting technique, so..."

She'a pretty sure Luke's blushing, she could just make out his cheeks turning a bit pink and she liked it. She took a sip of her wine, smiling slightly. "Well I'd hate for such a refined technique to go to waste." she teased, taking a deep breath before adding "Want to come home with me?"

When the only immediate response she got was the widening of his eyes, she backpedeled, blushing hard and her face was probably all blotchy red, _fantastic_. "I'm sorry, I haven't done this in a while." Understatement of the century, she'd never done this before. "I get it if you're not interested." She looked down, biting her lip hard. _'Stupid! As if he'd be into someone like you. He's a cop, he can probably sense how fucked up you are.'_

"I am, I'm definitely interested." he said, and he sounded like he was smiling.

That was unexpected. Her head snapped up to look at him and she couldn't stop the incredulous "You are?" that passed her lips.

"Yeah, course I am. Do you want to go now, or finish your drink..." He trailed off, unsure of how to continue. He didn't want to freak her out and appear too eager, it hadn't been _that_ long since he'd gotten laid, but she seemed...really unsure of herself and he didn't want to scare her off.

Jocelyn smiled, shaking her head. "Let's go now. I brought my car, you can follow behind me." She didn't want him to back out, and right now he was willing to sleep with her, she didn't want to take the chance of him realizing what a fuck up she is and changing his mind about that.

"Okay, I'll follow you then." He payed for the drinks, then followed her out to the parking lot. Jocelyn hesitantly took his hand when he fell into step with her, smiling to herself when he let her. He looked about 9 inches taller than her, and she figured he was tall when they were sitting down but it was surprising. She's a pretty tall lady, not many men are taller than her. But it was nice. Made her feel safe, kind of.

They parted ways when they got to their respective cars, and Joss checked her rearview mirror several times on the way to her apartment to make sure he was still following her, constantly afraid he would back out.

She parked her car in the lot in front of her apartment, pleased when Luke parked his a few spaces away from her. She got out and stood on the sidewalk, waiting for him to join her before leading him to her apartment building (this time he was the one who reached for her hand)

They took the stairs up to the third floor, and she resisted the urge to apologize for the broken elevator; it wasn't her fault and he wasn't like Valentine, he wouldn't get mad at having to walk up three flights of stairs (or at least she hoped. She didn't get a bad vibe from him, so that was a good sign, right?).

She led the way to her door, unlocking it quickly and going inside, shutting and locking it behind Luke once he followed her in. "Sorry for all the boxes, haven't had time to unpack yet. Bedroom's okay though."

"It's fine, I know how hectic moving is." he said, looking a bit unsure of what to do now that he was in her apartment.

Jocelyn slipped her shoes off, leaving them on the mat and he took the hint, following her lead. She hesitantly stepped closer to him, pushing his jacket off his shoulders. She felt arms around her waist and lips on her neck as she hung up it up on the coatrack, causing her to moan softly. She turned around in his arms, hooking her arms around his neck as she looked up at him. "Why don't you kiss me properly now?" she suggested, standing half on her tiptoes to get closer to him.

Her eyes fluttered shut as he kissed her; he was so gentle. He didn't kiss so roughly her lips hurt, he didn't grip her hard enough to bruise. She'd never been kissed or held like this before, with such tenderness and she loved it.

She broke the kiss when she needed air, leaning her forehead against his. "We're wearing too many clothes." she murmured, fingering the neckline of his tshirt.

"We should probably remedy that then." he teased, playing along, running his hands over the hemline of her shirt.

"You don't have any STIs, do you?" She was aware that was a pretty unsexy thing to ask, but she didn't want her first time with someone hopefully decent to give her herpes or something.

"No, you?"

"Same."

"Okay then." Luke smiled at her, leaning down to kiss her lightly one more time before she removed herself from his arms, grabbing his hand and tugging him towards the bedroom.

As soon as the door was shut she pulled him to her and kissed him softly, tugging at his shirt, wanting to take it off but not wanting to stop kissing him. It was a dilemma. Thankfully he took the initiative, separating them just long enough to pull his shirt over his head. She ran her hands over his chest as they continued to kiss, moaning into his mouth. She'd assumed he was well built when she'd first seen him in the bar, and she was right.

After a few minutes she broke the kiss, stepping back as she quickly deposited of all her clothes before pulling the covers back and getting into bed. She was grateful the lights were off, that way he wouldn't have to see how ugly her body is. Might turn him off from fucking her entirely. If Luke noticed her behavior, he didn't let on.

She heard him unbuckle his belt and his pants drop to the floor, then he was in bed with her, kissing her again and she could get addicted to his kisses they were so good.

She bit down on his lip, causing him to moan, his hands settling on her hips as they laid in bed, facing each other as they kissed. Then she was on her back and it looks like he's going to fuck her now, she wasn't as wet as she needed to be but it was more than Valentine had ever bothered to get her to.

Then he started slowly kissing down her neck, almost moaning into it as he ran hands his along her sides. _'Oh this feels good'_ she thought, closing her eyes as he continued his ministrations.

Her soft moans started up when he got to her breasts, peppering little kisses in the valley between them before running his tongue over her left breast, massaging the other with his hand. He kept that up for a good minute before continuing down which confused Jocelyn slightly.

"Luke? What are you doing?"

Luke looked up from his position on her stomach, meeting her eyes. "If it's okay with you, I was going to go down on you."

She was vaguely aware of the term, some of her old friends had talked about how their husbands would go down on them, but had never experienced it herself (she'd brought it up to Valentine once, he'd thought it was a disgusting concept, and didn't see the point of it).

 _'Well this is my chance to find out what it's like.'_ "Sure, go for it. But you should know I can't return the favor. I don't mean I won't or anything, it's just...I've had bad experiences with going down on guys and I don't want it to trigger something."

Luke nodded, slightly curious as to what she meant by bad experiences but didn't press. "I'll keep that in mind. Wasn't expecting you to blow me anyway."

"Wait so...why go down on me if you don't expect to get anything from it?" Jocelyn was genuinely confused, normally sex involved favors and make-it-up-to-mes, not...doing something for someone with no expectation of reward.

"I will be getting something out of it. I'll be making you feel good." With that said, he continued his way down her body, resting his hands on her hips as he moved to her inner thighs, kissing his way up them, placing a quick kiss on her center before slipping his tongue in and _oh_ , so this is what it feels like to have someone care about your pleasure.

She moaned, eyes fluttering shut as she enjoyed the sensations of his mouth on her, unable to control the bucking of her hips to get more contact (or the attempted bucking; he held her hips down with his hands which only added to her arousal). She felt so good all over she could hardly contain herself, the only coherent words she could get out were "fuck" and "oh god" and "Luke" over and over.

She could feel that pressure building, her body tensing up as waves of pleasure passed through her body so intense that she blacked out.

When she came to, she saw Luke laying next to her, watching her.

"Hey. You worried me for a bit there."

Jocelyn realized what had happened and felt herself blush, unable to meet his eyes.

"Oh god, I don't know why that happened, I've never passed out during that before." Granted she'd never had that done to her before either, nor had an orgasm by anyone else's doing but her own.

Luke could tell she was embarrassed, and gently took her chin in his hand, tilting her head up so she met his eyes. "Hey, there's nothing to be embarrassed about. It happens, don't worry about it."

"Okay. And, um...I'm not on birth control right now so you'll have to wear a condom when you fuck me. You have one, right?" If he didn't she had some.

"Yeah, gimme a sec." He let go of her chin and leaned over the bed, rummaging in his pants pocket before pulling one out, opening it and slipping it on. "You sure you're up for this though? I mean you did just pass out."

"Yeah, I'm fine." she reassured him, and to prove it she kissed him, gripping his shoulders and pulling him on top of her. She tasted herself on his lips and tongue, which was strange but not unpleasant. He kissed her back, a hand tangling in her hair while the other reached down between her legs to see if she was wet enough and all of a sudden she was crying.

Luke pulled back from the kiss, removing his hand from between her legs and getting off of her. "Jocelyn? Are you okay?"

She nodded, swallowing hard and trying to get in control of her emotions. She couldn't believe this was happening now, there's no way he'd want to touch her after this. "I-I'm fine, it'll stop soon." But it didn't and she just kept crying, she wasn't sure if she'd ever stop.

She felt his arms around her as he guided her to his shoulder, stroking her hair and murmuring nonsense into her ear.

After a while she got control of herself, pulling back from his arms. "Thanks."

"No problem. Any idea why that started? Did I do something wrong?" He wasn't used to women bursting into tears right before he had sex with them.

"No, no you were...you were perfect." She pulled the blanket over herself to give herself some modesty, pushing herself up so she was sitting with her back rested against the wall. "It's just...you see..." She trailed off, unsure of how to explain, rubbing her eyes.

She couldn't look him in the eyes, fixing her gaze on the wall opposite her as she got lost in her memories. "I'm from a very conservative community. Very Bubble, very Evangelical Christian, if you catch my meaning. I married when I was 19, and in my community the men would decide whether their wives could go to college. Valentine didn't want me to go, so I didn't. It didn't turn bad immediately after the wedding, was pretty perfect actually...except my wedding night."

She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, taking a deep breath before continuing on. "I was a virgin and he wasn't exactly gentle with me. Didn't care if I was turned on, and he was my husband and it was our wedding night and I couldn't refuse him. Woke up in the morning with blood on my thighs along with his cum. Had to clean it up on my own, he'd left for work already." She shuddered at the memory, clenching her faves into fists.

"It started a few weeks into our marriage with him controlling me, not letting me leave the house except for shopping. He didn't let me get a job, I was to stay home and mind the house. He had to know where I was at all times and was constantly calling me, asking me where I was when I was out getting groceries."

"He wouldn't let me interact with my friends or family except for after church, which was easy as we lived in a pretty isolated area. I didn't question it, he was my husband, he was allowed to do what he wanted. He'd get jealous of me spending time with anyone, and if I even so much as looked at another man he'd...he'd accuse me of cheating, that I didn't love him. Ask me to prove it sometimes with sex. It wasn't rape cause we were married, but some mornings I'd wake up with him inside me, fucking me, and it hurt _so much_. It didn't matter what I wanted, or how I felt. If I wanted sex at all, really. I was his wife, I had to do what he wanted and give him what he wanted."

"He-He'd always quote the Song of Songs to me, "I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine", to remind me of my place. That he basically owned me, and could use my body however he wanted." She could feel the tears start up again and didn't bother wiping them away. 

"It got violent a year in, nothing I ever did was right. It was my fault, he said, I provoked him, I made him do it. Somehow I was always the one apologizing for him hitting me. Sometimes I'd try and defend myself when he was jealous, say that I'd never cheat, that I loved him, but he'd twist my words around, make me feel like I was crazy. And I felt like I was."

"No one saw it, at church or when we visited my family everyone would say how lucky I was to have such a devoted husband, and when are we going to have kids?" She laughed bitterly at that, shaking her head. "I was married to him for 24 years. Finally got out a few months ago. Packed everything I could after the divorce was finalized and left, never looked back. I'd never so much as been in a bar before tonight, and this is my first time sleeping with someone not my ex. And I've never passed out from oral before because that was the first time anyone's ever done that to me." She finally looked at him then, trying to gauge his reaction. His face was blank, probably a cop thing, but his eyes...his eyes were sad, almost pitying. She didn't like that. "Please don't pity me, I hate when people look at me like that. I'm not just a victim."

"Sorry. And um...look, what you went through, that's not your fault. None of it is." Luke was shocked. He'd figured she'd been through something bad but nothing that bad.

"I know. And I'm sorry for crying and unloading all that on you. Probably ruined the mood."

"No, don't apologize for that. You seemed like you needed to get it off your chest, and as for that ruining the mood, it didn't. Trust me." He smiled at her, hesitantly taking her hand and squeezing it.

Jocelyn smiled, positioning herself so she was laying mostly flat on the bed again before leaning forward and kissing him. When she pulled back, she whispered "Good. Now fuck me."

"Are you sure?" Luke didn't want to trigger her or anything.

"I'm sure." She felt lighter after revealing that to him, knowing he didn't judge her for it.

Luke nodded, kissing her gently before getting on top of her again, reaching between them to see if she was ready and getting her warmed up with his hand before positioning himself and slowly pushing inside her.

Jocelyn moaned, gripping his back hard with her nails. This was already much better than her previous experiences, guaranteed. It didn't hurt this time, it felt _good_. Then he started slowly moving and oh _fuck_ , no wonder people liked sex so much. She felt like she was slowly catching on fire as he moved inside of her, his lips trailing kisses across her neck.

"Are you okay?" he gasped, pulling back from kissing her neck to lock eyes with her.

What an odd thing to ask, him already inside her and steadily on his way to giving her orgasm number 2. "Fuck yes, I'm better than okay. Oh lord you're so good at this." She couldn't keep her eyes open any longer, closing them and smiling as her words produced a chuckle from him ( _'how can someone's laugh be that attractive?'_ ), and she loved being able to feel it reverberate through her body as his chest shook. Then she started laughing, unable to contain hers as his was proving to be contagious. She'd never laughed during sex before.

After a few minutes when their laughter had died down somewhat, she could feel herself getting close, and then his hand was between their bodies and he rubbed her clit as he moved inside her. She could swear she saw stars as she came, crying out in pleasure, moaning his name. She felt him shudder against her after that, moaning "Joss" into her ear and no one had ever called her that before, it was always Jocelyn. She found that she liked the nickname.

He got off of her, taking the condom off and going to the bathroom that was thankfully connected to the bedroom to dispose of it. Jocelyn followed, not bothering with modesty as she really had to pee. Her legs were a little shaky as she walked, and there was an ache between her thighs but not the bad kind.

He left the bathroom after throwing the condom away and washing his hands to give her some privacy. When she'd done her business, she was pleased to see he hadn't left, and went to join him on the bed, smiling.

"That was amazing. Thank you so much for that." she breathed, unable to contain the grin that overtook her features as she settled in next to him.

He smiled. "Glad you enjoyed it. Me calling you Joss didn't annoy you did it? I know some people don't like nicknames."

"No, I liked it. Never had a nickname before." Now she wanted to give him one. "Is Luke your full name?"

"No, unfortunately. It's Lucian. You have no idea how many people called me Lucy when I was younger, drove me mad. I had wanted to change it as soon as I turned 18 but mom had given me that name and after she passed I wanted to keep it, to have a part of her with me."

Joss nodded. "Lucian. I like it, very nice name." She leaned forward and kissed his cheek, laying down next to him placing her head on his chest hesitantly. He didn't protest so she figured it was okay.

They laid in silence for a few moments before he spoke. "So...do you want me to leave?"

She found that she didn't. "No, I'd like you to stay. But only if you want to, I don't want you to feel obligated."

"I don't, trust me." He stroked her hair with one hand, pulling the sheet over them with the other.

"Good." She lifted her head, meeting his eyes as she debated saying these next words, before deciding to go for it. "Um...I really appreciated tonight, and you, and I don't know how one night stands work, but...I'd like to see you again. I'm kind of getting used to living normally, like tonight was my first time in a bar and I dunno...I like you. I feel connected to you and I don't mean in a we just had sex way, I mean in a it feels like I've always known you way." She paused, a bit self conscious. "If that makes any sense."

"No, I understand. I kind of feel the same way, like I've known you in another life or something. Not that I believe in stuff like that."

She nodded. "So...would you want to maybe go out for coffee sometime? Or, dinner. Whatever you want is fine and I understand if you don't want to." She hoped he did.

"Why wouldn't I want to? I like you, of course I want to spend more time with you."

She wasn't sure if that was a rhetorical question, but decided to answer anyway. "Because I'm broken." _'You could do so much better.'_

"Everyone's a little broken, Joss. I know I am. You just need to find someone who doesn't...who doesn't mind how broken you are or wants to fix you. Who accepts you for it."

That made sense, she liked that. "Yeah...maybe we'll find those people someday." she murmured, laying her head on his chest and closing her eyes.

 _'I think I already have.'_ Luke thought before drifting off to sleep.


End file.
